Marry Him! No thank you, I'll pass
Editor's note: My friend "Melissa" sent me a link to this article that appeared in Atlantic Monthly. She wanted to know what I thought about it. I wanted to share my response here. Names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not so innocent.
Hi Mel!
I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to give you my thoughts on the Marry Him! link you sent me. I got about halfway through it and then it was a few days before I came back to it and finished reading it.
My first thought is that Lori Gottlieb isn't a very good writer. She drones on and on, making the same exact arguements and I wished that she had employed a better editor. I hope she got paid by the word because it's the only reason I can think of to write something so convoluted. I also think that for someone older than us, she's very immature, insecure, shallow and bitter.
She writes that she regrets not settling for some of the guys she dated in her 20s and early 30s, but how does she know that one of these guys would have eventually asked her to marry them? She never admits to rejecting a proposal. What a waste of time to dwell on something that could have been that may have never been at all.
She didn't want to have a kid with any of these guys, but now that she has a kid, she wants a guy to share the joy and the burden. Why does she really need one to make her happy? Maybe if she wasn't so caught up in regret she'd be happier and guys would just flock to her because they would want to be around her. She advises women in their 20s and 30s to Marry Him before it's too late, overlook his imperfections and settle down to married life. Would anyone be better off following her advice?
Although I don't believe the perfect man exists, I don't agree with her philosophy. As I read her article, I couldn't help thinking about Nick and how when I broke up with him in college, he told me he thought we would eventually get married. If I hadn't broken up with him, I could have married Nick Douglas. I could have been married to a physically and emotionally unavailable tightwad. I didn't want to do that. I didn't think I should have to do that to find happiness. I didn't think that would make me happy. Over 10 years later, I don't regret my decision and I know it was the right one.
As I read the article, I also thought about Elizabeth who did marry Nick. Did she settle? I don't think so because she saw what she wanted, she went after it and she got it. More power to her. You go, girl! Is she married to a physically and emotionally unavailable tightwad? Only Elizabeth and Nick know what their relationship is like and that's how it should be. Maybe in 10 years he's changed and he's a different person.
The article also made me ask the question, did Nick settle? I don't know the answer to that, but I think it's funny that she had said he told her he was never going to get married and then a few months later, they're engaged. What happened that made him change his mind? Did he have an epiphany like Lori Gottlieb did?
Marry Him! she says but I say don't let the fear of being alone make you say yes to something you really don't want.
Stacey
Hi Mel!
I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to give you my thoughts on the Marry Him! link you sent me. I got about halfway through it and then it was a few days before I came back to it and finished reading it.
My first thought is that Lori Gottlieb isn't a very good writer. She drones on and on, making the same exact arguements and I wished that she had employed a better editor. I hope she got paid by the word because it's the only reason I can think of to write something so convoluted. I also think that for someone older than us, she's very immature, insecure, shallow and bitter.
She writes that she regrets not settling for some of the guys she dated in her 20s and early 30s, but how does she know that one of these guys would have eventually asked her to marry them? She never admits to rejecting a proposal. What a waste of time to dwell on something that could have been that may have never been at all.
She didn't want to have a kid with any of these guys, but now that she has a kid, she wants a guy to share the joy and the burden. Why does she really need one to make her happy? Maybe if she wasn't so caught up in regret she'd be happier and guys would just flock to her because they would want to be around her. She advises women in their 20s and 30s to Marry Him before it's too late, overlook his imperfections and settle down to married life. Would anyone be better off following her advice?
Although I don't believe the perfect man exists, I don't agree with her philosophy. As I read her article, I couldn't help thinking about Nick and how when I broke up with him in college, he told me he thought we would eventually get married. If I hadn't broken up with him, I could have married Nick Douglas. I could have been married to a physically and emotionally unavailable tightwad. I didn't want to do that. I didn't think I should have to do that to find happiness. I didn't think that would make me happy. Over 10 years later, I don't regret my decision and I know it was the right one.
As I read the article, I also thought about Elizabeth who did marry Nick. Did she settle? I don't think so because she saw what she wanted, she went after it and she got it. More power to her. You go, girl! Is she married to a physically and emotionally unavailable tightwad? Only Elizabeth and Nick know what their relationship is like and that's how it should be. Maybe in 10 years he's changed and he's a different person.
The article also made me ask the question, did Nick settle? I don't know the answer to that, but I think it's funny that she had said he told her he was never going to get married and then a few months later, they're engaged. What happened that made him change his mind? Did he have an epiphany like Lori Gottlieb did?
Marry Him! she says but I say don't let the fear of being alone make you say yes to something you really don't want.
Stacey
posted by Stacey @ 8:18 AM
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